As I sit in my new living room in Grosse Pointe Farms, Michigan, I can’t help but miss the motorcyclists and friends from Chicago Vintage Motorcyclists that helped me make my riding life in Chicago utterly fantastic.  One week in, and with the weather closing in, I expect that my garage will be much quieter than it would 3oo miles to the West-Southwest.  Those Wednesday Night Garage Nights were so much fun — I wish I had attended more.  Still, the rides to Southwestern Wisconsin, around town, Rockerbox, Mods and Rockers, Acetoberfest and others, it made the roads around Chicago more than bearable.

Chicago has very little going for it, motorcycle-wise.  No topography.  Few good roads.  REALLY lousy drivers.  6 decent curves in the whole town, maybe.  Still, a late afternoon ride with a bunch of friends in old BSAs, Triumphs, Hondas, a Vincent or two and a smattering of BMWs makes a cruise around the city like a nice weekend ride on the Isle of Man.

Enthusiasm counts.  The ChiVinMoto group exudes enthusiasm and love of the “perfect machine”.  It’s a truly American group, with no hierarchy, no “right” bike to have, and absolutely no class structure.  Income, education, race, occupation or age have no bearing once you throw a leg over the bike.  It’s about the ride, the machine and the comraderie.  Liberty, Egalitie´, Fraternity.  More American than any group I’ve ever been a member of.

Things I’ll miss most are the “Tiddler” ride for small displacement bikes held once or twice a year.  The great vintage bikes from Laverdas, Vincents and BSAs to great early Japanese bikes and BMWs airheads.  Rockerbox in Milwaukee.  Acetoberfest at Chad’s garage — Ace Motorcycle and Scooter Co.  And especially Mods vs. Rockers Chicago.  If you’ve never been to MvR, you haven’t made enough riding friends.

I remember riding back from a Slimy Crud Run a few years’ back, freezing my butt off and riding with a group that were better riders than I, and knew the roads of Southwest Wisconsin far, far better.  We rode as the sun went down, the cold sucking the heat from our bodies.  At each stop or intersection when it was time to make a turn, the leaders would stop and wait to make sure the backmarkers made it back to more navigable territory.  I remember when I finally got home I took a hot shower until I ran out of hot water.  My legs were still cool to the touch hours later.  Bliss.

See you all soon.  Keep shifting with your right foot and stay in the saddle.  You’re all wonderful people.

Here is a transcript of my communication with Comcast’s customer service. My Issue: Channel 224 (FXHD) every week during the Sons of Anarchy show has gone out (3 weeks in a row). Only during this show.

RuthSCNV: Thank you for taking your time to contact us. I will be very glad to help you from here on. I hope your day is fine

RuthSCNV: Danilo, I certainly don’t want you to miss cable channel 224 that you are suppose to have.

Danilo: Well, I follow this show for years. For the last 3-4 weeks, the reception (sound and picture) have gone out. For this show only.

RuthSCNV: Let me try to pinpoint what the problem is and work on getting this fixed for you.

RuthSCNV: Danilo, since it is the only channel that is having a reception problem, it only shows that the network provider itself is having a technical problem with their broadcast.

Danilo: yes

Danilo: Every week at the exact same time.

RuthSCNV: The possible causes of reception issues also are loose cable wire connection and weak signal.

Danilo: Only this channel? None of the others?

RuthSCNV: Please ensure that the cables at the back of the box going to the TV are all tightened.

RuthSCNV: Yes, that could be possible Danilo.

RuthSCNV: Kindly try also to slightly turn the cables to ensure its fittings are tight.

Danilo: They are all tight. I haven’t changed the position of the TV or wires since the technician hooked it up 15 months ago.

Danilo: There is never a problem except at this time.

Danilo: and on this channel. All other channels are fine at the moment.

RuthSCNV: I understand that.

RuthSCNV: Let me check our Outage Board System about any common issue in FXHD channel.

RuthSCNV: Please give me a minute.

Danilo: no problem

RuthSCNV: Thank you for patiently waiting.

RuthSCNV: I apologize for the delay.

Danilo: what did you find out?

RuthSCNV: We do have a number of reports from our Customers having the same issue.

RuthSCNV: No worries because the network provider are being notified about this.

RuthSCNV: There should no longer be further steps needed for you to take from this moment on. This is already well taken care of by our professionals to fix it the soonest possible time.

Danilo: I’ve missed the last three weeks of the show. I pay $180 a month, and this is not satisfactory.

Danilo: Can you provide me with the closest office? I’ll turn my box in tomorrow and try a different provider.

RuthSCNV: Danilo, my apologies for the inconvenience you are having with your FXHD cable service.

RuthSCNV: I understand how frustrating this might be in your part as a customer, I apologize for the inconvenience.

RuthSCNV: I do very well feel how is it to be in the situation because I am also a customer when I am not at work.

RuthSCNV: It will be such a loss to Comcast if you switch provider.

RuthSCNV: Here’s what I can do.

RuthSCNV: Let me provide $20 credit adjustment in the account.

RuthSCNV: This is to compensate on the days that you were not able to enjoy the channel due to reception issue.

RuthSCNV: Would that be fine?

Danilo: Not really. I feel that if this were really a problem it would have been fixed the first week. I can’t believe that this has gone on for three weeks before any of your support staff would be made aware of it. There are very few shows that I receive through cable — I have internet options and I think that might be the best way to go. $20 is not compensation in this case.

RuthSCNV: I understand, I do really apologize on this.

RuthSCNV: What I can provide you now is the link for the Comcast Local Office Locator .

Danilo: thanks.It’s OK. It will make a good blog post.

RuthSCNV: Danilo, may I know what I can do for you now to be able to retain you as our Comcast Customer?

Danilo: I really don’t know. I’m just not getting value for the money. I’ll keep the internet service, but I think the cost of the TV isn’t really giving me the benefit. My bill for TV has more than doubled over the last year, and the service has deteriorated. I know that it’s not your fault, but cutting a $180 check every month and feeling like I didn’t get anywhere near the value, I don’t know what to say.

RuthSCNV: My apologies again about this issue. If only I could do something here in my end to control the situation and fix the network providers technical issue myself, I would glady do it to avoid inconvenient experience to our customers.

——–

I then got a link to find the nearest office.

Comcast, you’re the worst provider I’ve ever had.  DirecTV is miles ahead of you in price and in service.  They even have the HD channels in the right place, not CBS on 232.

Wow.  So beautiful once you get off the main roads.  Rustic barns, silos, small towns with old storefronts, buildings that give you the sense of history;  Europeans have been traipsing all over the Michigan Peninsula for 300+ years, and I can see why.  At least in the summer, the place looks like Northern England — I’ll bet before the shipwrights completely deforested the island, especially.

This Friday being the kick-off to the Fourth of July Weekend, I was wondering what happened!  No bikes on 96 on the way out of town, but as soon as I turned on the back roads, they were everywhere.  I stopped at two gas stations and spoke with couples on HDs rocking easy through the back country, not a care in the world and very pleasant.  Especially true to this were the couple of riders and pillions in Oceana — they were from Oklahoma and had been travelling for a week.  Made the trip around Lake Michigan and were headed back to Chicago and then down Rt 66 to their home state.  Ear-to-ear grins on their faces — their wives mimicking with their air-adjustable seats and all the commo gear.  Making memories.

Michigan is bereft of diners.  They’re out there, but not nearly as ubiquitous as some of the other states I’ve lived in.  Finally found one near Hardy Damn for breakfast and time to sit out a rain storm.  Gotta look the name of that one up.  The owner rides, but his wife won’t let him park the bike in front of the diner — he was awesome for getting me directions from where I was to where I needed to be, since AT&T and Google Maps had me roughly 3 miles south of where I actually was.  Rode through wonderful lanes that were broadleaf-tree tunnels, nice curves with little or no rocks and dirt — the wet road and unknown traffic patterns kept the speed out of me — I just cruised through the turns, braking easy, leaning smooth and just blissing out until I had to get on Michigan 31 North from Oceana to Ludington for the final leg of the trip.

And that’s where things just got stupid.  For the first 5-8 miles on the Highway it was one lane with construction, but traffic still managed to move along at 60.  The fun started when it finally opened up to two lanes.  I was able to move through the stagger in the traffic since most of the cars in the left lane wanted to pass but, due to their size, had to wait.  I zipped in the wide gaps (most Michigan drivers are actually awesome — they are motorcycle-aware and let you in) and slowly made my way through the logjam — until…

Going to the right of a slow-moving mid-sized pickup with a camper shell, I suddenly realized that the driver had sped up and “shut the door” on me with a slow car moving in front.  At that point I moved in behind because I had nowhere else to go. I’m now uncomfortable.  BRAKE LIGHTS — I’m already braking and slowing trying to get distance from the bumper, and driver pulls a “brake check” on me — I look at in the pickup’s window and an woman is looking in her mirror at me and shaking her finger like “I saw you trying to get around me…”

Then she moves over into the right lane, I guess to let me pass.  I decide it’s time to drop the hammer and just get out of there.  Road rage has left me years ago — I’m too old to deal with drivers like this.  As I pull around her, I see her cell phone sticking out of the car as she’s trying to take a picture of me, wildly trying to stay in her lane — it’s time to get out of there.  I gesture to her with a number that let her know that she was #1 in my book and then scooted.

3 miles later I’m at the Luddington exit, pulling into city traffic — and there she is behind me with her camera!  I just ignore her.  Realizing that I have no idea where the hotel is and that I need to check in, I sit in the bumper-to-bumper traffic and she sits on my tail.  I’m thinking that she has some road rage issues and decide that the better part of valor is to leave the situation; just get in the other lane, then make a right turn.  I get in the right lane, signal right.  She cuts off a car behind me and follows me down the street.  I stop.

She pulls alongside and sticks out her hand as if I’m supposed to shake it, holding her camera.  She blurts out her name is “Val”.  I decide this is too much.  I’m getting creeped out, feeling like in that old black truck with the cracked windshield and wild-eyed operator there just might be a loaded gun.  I’m on vacation and I need to get the hell out of this situation! I drop the bike in first gear, drive around a few blocks as she follows, then finally lose her.  Bike gets parked in the back of my hotel on the other side of town, opposite from where I was so if she’s still looking around for me, we’re not going to run into each other.

Oh my GOD.  Every once in awhile I run into people that have to act as “regulators” and control how other people act in traffic.  I haven’t seen one like this for awhile. Could I have handled it better?  Yes.  I should have backed off and let her get ahead of me, but I thought taking the first exit would have been enough. Sometines you just run into people that take great umbrage at motorcyclists having an advantage of getting through traffic easier — thank heavens that in California people like her can be charged with attempted murder.

Wherever you are Val, I can’t believe your life is so small and shallow, and you’re so mean-spirited.  You need to get some help before your road rage kills a less-experienced rider.

So now I’ve been on hold with Dell for 15 minutes.  Do they have hold music?  NO.  They have some cheerful, clipped female voice that asks me to continue to hold, and then they try to sell me Microsoft Office.

Then they try to Sell me SQLServer.

Then Adobe Creative Suite 5.

Then they tell me they have 150,000 title for favorable bulk licensing programs.

Then they tell me that they work with Federal Agencies, and tell me to get in touch with software accounting.  Good to know in case I ever work for the government.

Then they thank me for holding, and tell me that they value my business.

Then the string of completely annoying commercials, over and over again.,

And again.

And again.

Whomever decided that it was a GREAT idea that they could try to sell me software and services while I’m sitting on hold frustrated with the purchase that I have already made is a complete dimwit.  I hope your boss (who I’m sure you gave this idea to thinking it would further your career is reading this)  because you made him look like a complete douchebag.

The Moto Guzzi V7 Racer is retro perfection, but if you want one in the States you’re going to have to hurry. In an email sent to dealers earlier today, it was revealed that the Racer will be manufactured to order only and that those orders will only be open through February 28. The good news is that this bike only demands a $791 premium over the avocado green V7 Cafe; the Racer is going for $9,790! Editor has a V7 Classic and rides it tens of thousands of trouble-free miles a year.
Reputable dealers are the way to go on this one! They’ll only make 50 or so and then they’ll be gone forever! Check out Rose Farm Classics and ask for Jim if you don’t already have a favorite dealer, because he will become yours.

You couldn’t reproduce this bike on a V7 Platform for $2500. If you’ve been looking for a nice V7 with mods, rearsets and sweet exhausts, now is the time to hit it! Once this run is over, it will not be made again.

But, once every weekend or so, a low, powerful drone would shake the windows, and every motorhead in Northern Los Angeles would look up.  They looked up because they knew.  They looked up because that drone was connected to a Rolls-Royce Merlin engine.  There were a few North American P-51 Mustangs flying out of Van Nuys, and these planes were powered by The Mother of All Engines.  This is the Engine that won a war.  This is the Engine that powered less than 1000 planes that, in 1940, took “The Few” RAF pilots into battle against the Luftwaffe.  This engine saved a nation, and once you hear that and make the connection, you just have to look up when it’s overhead.

27 liters of pure victory. click for a nice big picture.

A Brit would modestly call it A Proper Aircraft Engine. Proper is a word reserved for something that is right, because it is right; because it is true.  It’s one of those philosophical terms that defies a complete definition.  It encompasses heritage, design, looks.  It says “Everything is in the right place, as it should be.” There are many words that defy complete description. The Spanish have Duende. In Asia there’s Karma.  Japan has Bushido.  Southern Californians have Dude. Proper is the UK word, and it fits many things that have been made and designed in Britain over the last Century:

• Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost
• Sopwith Aircraft (I’m partial to the Triplane, but there were others)
• HMS Prince of Wales
• D-Type Jaguar
• Winston Churchill
• Lotus Formula One Cars

And the most proper, pure British product of the 20th Century:

• The Supermarine Spitfire.

Elliptical wings, bubble canopy, six machine guns. Woven permanently into the British Historical Tapestry.

There were many “proper” motorbikes, too.  Many BSAs, Nortons, Brough Superiors, Vincents, Arials fit this description easily.  But of all, Triumph survives to be a very proper motorbike.  Everything indeed is in the right place.  The fuel injection looks like the carbs of old, the shiny cases, twin exhausts, ergonomic bars, power, wheels, seat, fit and finish. All so proper.

Triumph fuel injection looks like a carb, but behaves like anything but....

That is the appeal of the Triumph Bonneville to many.  Everything is exactly where one expects it to be, where it has always been.  It’s not something unrecognizable by an original member of the 59 Club or some aging boomer that rode one between classes at USC in the 60s.

In many ways, the Triumph Bonneville is the Merlin Engine of Motorcycles.  It represents the breakout freedom of post-war British Youth, the Ton-up Boys, the Wild Ones, and the “Born to Run” generation.  Back then Harleys were for Cops and Elvis Wannabees.

Cool kids shifted with their right foot…

I was in Detroit from Monday night until Friday at midnight.  I had tried a couple of times to get ahold of Chad, but I really don’t like to bother a mechanic when he/she is working on anything, especially when that anything is mine.  Good mechanics are like good software engineers – they get into a “zone” where nothing else seems to exist around them, and their entire being seems to be focused on the job at hand.  I’ve been there thousands of times when I’ve been coding, and probably more with a wrench in my hand simply because I’ve been doing that at some level of effectiveness since I was twelve or thirteen.

Two Two-Fifties. Brit and Italian....

Rick had agreed to pick me up in his van and take me to Oswego. The Parilla was to be perched next to a rare Royal Enfield 250 that was his mount for the event.  I cagily put him off for an answer until I finally reached Chad.  The bike was done.  The only fly in the ointment was getting to Rick’s house, then getting Rick to go to Ace and then heading to Oswego.  I hate having people do me favors and then I might do something to make it even more complicated.  I really don’t like putting people out.  Yet, there’s Rick, just taking it in stride, saying, “Sure.  Just ride over in the morning on the Guzzi and then we’ll go pick up the 250.  We’ll drop the Parilla at your house, then you can ride your V7 back home.”

All set.  And that’s exactly what happened.  Mitch had given a stern warning to the group that “kickstands up” was to be at noon.  We arrived at 11:44.  Everyone milled around and looked at bikes and talked.  We finally left at 12:40.

It was a great route.  Mitch’s house is in Oswego, and we travelled some lovely back roads to Sheridan, and Ottawa.  One of the ChiVin guys brought his truck and trailer to follow just in case of a breakdown.  Being the second-oldest bike there, with little test miles, I felt like I had about a 60% chance of landing in the passenger seat of the pickup before the day was out.  Visions of large checks dancing in my head, I pressed on and treated the old girl like she had been part of my stable for years.  She didn’t disappoint except for one moment outside of Sheridan where a stuck float bowl was pouring gas out of the weep hole of the SS1 and other parts.  Of course Rick comes to my rescue with a pocket knife.  He whacks the remote float a few times, and then I shut it off.  I decide to run it up and down the block a couple of times and it’s as good as new.

Remote float bowl. Whack it lightly if it sticks...

In a way the gas leak was a boon.  I had left the oil cap loose before and there was oil all over the crankcase.  The gas washed everything off and made if shiny again.  After that somewhat hazardous stop, we proceeded on, where a nice long straight found me jumping out in front of everyone and investigating how fast the Parilla was.  I’m figuring 75ish.  Speedo’s broken.  Really don’t care “too” much.  I was having so much fun it’s all relative.

Arriving at Starved Rock State Park, we rode all over looking for a place to park.  The waning days of summer brought everyone out and filled up the spaces.  There were quite a few Harleys and Victories and other metric cruisers, but very little of anything else.  We drew a crowd.  The Yamaha YZ50 in our midst was dwarfed by a couple of Irish Wolfhounds.  Realizing that we got a late start and we had doddled a bit on the way out we decided to pretty much flip back around and head home.  We had two hours to cover 59 miles of back roads, and time and sunlight were in short supply.

The ride back was much faster save for a 25 minute stop in Sheridan to fix a loose exhaust pipe on a MadAss scooter that was part of our group.  Other than that, the long rays of evening settled nicely, allowing our shadows to grow and cast wonderful silhouettes against the tarmac.  Arriving back at Mitch’s we all loaded our bikes up and had a quick beer.  Time to go.

The day confirmed everything I had hoped to discover about the Parilla.  It was a capable machine that rode much “better” than its 250cc engine advertised.  Plenty of low-end grunt, which was wholly unexpected.  I was able to kick start it only once, pushing it most of the time.  I’ll need to give the bike more attention in this area or I’m going to end up with 5% body fat.

Parilla 250 at rest. Before restoration.

It gets looks, It goes faster than most small bikes, it handles and brakes well, and it’s comfortable enough to spend 5 hours on.  Later that evening at Rick’s house, I got back on the V7 Classic for the ride home.  I felt like I was riding an Elephant!

My apologies from the start.  I had set up the perfect Triumph picture with this beautiful backdrop, great clouds and awesome red rocks, only to find my camera’s batteries dead and my phone sitting in my hotel room.  So there’s no pictures of this ride!  I promise at some point in the future to get a bike up this wonderful road and snap some pictures the next time I get out that way.  I found some shots on the web of the road and sights for reference.

So I wake up on Day 2 of my temporary Triumph Ownership.  The temperatures in Phoenix and my body had finally risen to acceptable levels to make the 200 mile round trip to the town of my birth and first 18 years — Miami, Arizona.  It’s about 90 miles East of Phoenix, and about 90 miles North East of Tucson.  What one will find out about Arizona is everything seems to have “ ’bout 90 miles” distance from major towns.  The Globe-Miami area is no exception.  It is nestled halfway up the steep Colorado Plateau.  Highway 60, leading east from Phoenix and through Superior, delivers its first real curves, sweepers and even a tunnel as it lines itself straight from the Pacific.

The road from Phoenix to Florence Junction comprises the first 45 miles of the trip.  This gave me a chance to experience the Triumph on city streets, local freeways and interchanges, and on divided rural highways.  Arizona has great roads.  I’m sure that the roads around Chicago were like this, perhaps, for at least 20 minutes at some time in the past.  The Triumph accelerates wonderfully in the crisp morning air as I begin my trip on the 101 loop, heading South out of Scottsdale, to take the 202 Loop towards the Superstition Mountains and the beautiful Arizona Sonoran Desert.

Supersittion Mountains -- from Bryan Flaming's blog - Linked because it's a great shot and I didn't ask permission!

As a kid and young man, I had been on this road hundreds of times in all kinds of vehicles.  Nothing, NOTHING is better than riding this road on a comfortable, competent motorcycle.  The Triumph T-100 really IS this bike.  I crossed through 600 miles in two days with this trip, and the seat, ergonomics, riding position and general comfort exceeded my expectations by a long shot.  I couldn’t wait to get into the wonderful series of twisties after I reached Superior, AZ and headed that last 15 miles through Devil’s Canyon, rising to more than 4500 feet in altitude and then descending 1500 feet on the other side.  Twists, turns and topography.  I sure as hell am not in Illinois!

Queen Creek Bridge between Superior and Miami Arizona - Hwy 60/70 through Devil's Canyon

This is a special set of curves in Arizona.  The ascent has a series of right/left turns and big sweepers that cross the Queen Creek Bridge and hug the side of a narrow canyon going up has a passing lane most of the way.  The climb, smooth road and nice bankings make for a smooth, fast and adventurous ride, especially when the traffic is light and the Arizona Highway Patrol is somewhere else (this rarely happens) like it was on the day I rode up. The Triumph took the sweepers beautifully, and the shorter turns allowed me to experience moving around on the seat through smooth but fast transitions, and feel how the bike reacted at speed when the conditions were, well, perfect.

Flawless performance.  The T-100′s linear torque just pulled and pulled at all throttle settings, and the upright stance gave me the feeling of control, almost an eerie “dirt bike” feel as pushing on the handlebars were so reactive, yet so predictable. Only slight feathering of the brakes were needed to set the bike for the tightest turns.

I stopped at a place known to the locals as “Top of the World” and reflected on the last 12 miles.  Of course this is where I planned to take pictures with my unkown-to-me dead camera.  So I sat for a moment and sucked in the 4500 foot elevation’s clean air, amazed that the Bonneville adjusted itself so beautifully to the altitude changes as much as it had through the last stretch of road’s directions.

Triumph fuel injection looks like a carb, but behaves like anything but....

I climbed aboard, fired up and started down the last 5 miles into Miami.  My rear view mirror showed a Highway Patrol car, so it was a mellow trip from here on. Traffic slowed further as a truck with overheating brakes brought things to a crawl.  Keeping steady, I was able to inch my way,  nearly stopped,  never putting a foot down. Great low speed manners.  Just wonderful.

I arrived in Miami, stopping at the Police station to visit and old friend that worked there.  An avowed Harley Rider, I think he liked the bike.  Few bikes have any cred with the Harley crowd, but I believe the retro Bonnie brings back fond memories from older riders and makes newer ones think twice about riding with their hands as high as their shoulders.  My buddy and I had a nice chat, and I decided to get some of the glorious Mexican Food that the area is so rightfully famous for.   I went looking for old friends.

Most had moved away, and I had trouble finding others.  Time was running short as my wife and our friends were back in Phoenix, expecting my presence.  I needed to get going, so I went to gas up.   The first place wouldn’t take my card, so I decided to go to a station on the other side of Globe and see the sights.  Arriving at the next station, I looked down and noticed that the gas cap was missing!

I’m used to my bike, which has a locking gas cap.  You can’t start the bike unless you put the gas cap back on.  I remembered setting the cap in a spot above the handlebars.  I then proceeded to back track 3 times along my route looking for the cap to no avail.  It’s gone and I have a wadded up paper towel to keep gas from blowing all over me.

You can just see the missing cap at the edge of the picture... It came in the next day.

The ride home was slower as the Highway Patrol was out.  I finally hit the freeways in the far east end of the Phoenix Metropolitan area and dropped the hammer.  Wonderful freeway sweepers and empty roads greeted me, getting me back to my hotel in no time.  I called the local Triumph dealer, and they didn’t have a cap, but said that there were four other places in the US that DID have one, and she supplied me with the numbers.  I found my part from the Dealer in Salt Lake City.  Fedex and the part came in under $50 and the cap was on and like new.  I called the $50 “stupid tax” for not taking better care.  Somehow I think I’m not the first person to drop a cap on a trip…

I hadn’t spent time in Globe-Miami since my Dad sold his business in 1991.  I made a trip up a few times, but after my Dad passed in 2000 and my mom in 2008, I never had a reason to go back since I was living hundreds, and now thousands, of miles away.  The area had changed in odd ways.  It seemed familiar, yet I felt so out of place kicking the dry dirt of my youth talking to people I’ve known for more than 40 years.

I recaptured nothing from my own “genesis spot“, but had a great trip up and back on a wonderfully predictable, responsive and exceedingly comfortable bike.  The Triumph T-100 delivers the goods on short and long trips. Now if anyone in Globe-Miami reading this runs across a chrome gas cap…

A couple of months before Christmas, I had a few plane tickets that needed to be used before they expired.  Sheila said that she wanted to go to Scottsdale between the holidays to get together with her closest girlfriends and their kids.  Sounds like a great idea — although I thought I might enjoy it more if I could break away from time-to-time and ride on the roads that I spent the first 40 years of my life on.

A call to my friend Johnny Scheff, the Triumph Dealer in Chicago (MotoWorks Chicago), got me in touch with their National Marketing crew, and a bike was arranged.  I would need to pick it up in Anaheim and drop it off there, but that just meant that I would have a great “getting to know you” ride on the 380 mile trip out, and then make a great ride back on one of my favorite rides — Phoenix-Wickenburg-Parker-29 Palms-LA.  That was the plan, along with a ride up to Globe, AZ and some nice around town stuff.

Time marched towards the date, and the bike firmed up to be a Triumph Bonneville T-100.  I kept checking the weather, frowning at all the rain that was pouring down over the Southwestern United States.  California was getting plastered.  Arizona was getting the leftovers.  The temperature was plummeting.  I kept looking at the reports.  At the last minute I packed all my late fall gear and resolved to make the best of it.  61 degrees in LA when I landed.

The 2010 Triumph T-100 Described

The Triumph T-100 is a throwback-bike.  It’s made to look like a 1960′s T-120, but the similarities end at the looks.  This T-ball is all new, from the fuel injection that inhabits the carburettor-like intakes to the disc brakes, electric start, modern Metzler tires and…  Gear selection with the left foot.

The audience for this bike is fairly wide.  Number one would probably be the now-to-familiar “re-entry rider” that rode when they were kids, then had their own, and now, as they get older, are ready to get back on the bike.  The Bonneville was the classic Bike for years.  Brando, Fonzie and “The Steve” all were Triumph people.  The heroes of one’s youth are revisited in a most natural way on the modern Bonnie.

The second audience would be someone that wants a “town” bike.  Not everyone embraces the forward-lean of many mid-level bikes, and often the whole dual-sport look is best left to those that can’t leave their house without all their tactical gear.  Many people just want

A Nice, Normal, No-BS Bike.

One that they can ride around town easily and well, take short trips to some curves, and just have a reliable, well-handling standard bike.  A bike that is tough to describe, but you sure as hell know it when you get off it after riding around for a few hours.  This is the bike I had hoped to find when I decided to brave the weather and spend a week with a new Triumph Bonneville.

The Long Ride Home

I picked up the bike after taking my first and last Prime Time Shuttle ride from LAX to Anaheim.  The local shop that cares for the demo fleet had a bevy of old BRE Datsun 510s (yes, those 510s!) and I knew right away I was in a Gearhead Paradise, one of many pocketed away in the small industrial parks around the LA basin.  I could’ve stayed and talked all day, but it was already 1pm and I knew that I was losing an hour crossing the AZ border, so I had to get on the road.

Super wire wheels and a disk brake. Minty.

I had read the manual for the T-100, available on-line, a few days before from the Triumph Website, so I was familiar with any details that needed to be covered.  Poring over the details I found only this — the choke, located under the tank on the left, can be pulled out all the way for very cold weather, or halfway for mildly cold weather — once warmed up, just push it in.  And that’s about as eccentric as it gets.

I took the 91 out of town through Riverside, since it was right there and I was familiar with it.  It was the second day after Christmas, a Monday, and this early in the afternoon I expected the traffic to be light.  I was wrong.  There are malls scattered across the Chino Valley/San Bernardino area, with the Largest Outlet Mall on the Planet on the extreme East end in Cabazon.  I hadn’t lived or rode in LA for two years, but I soon remembered how to split lanes.  I’m not a hot-rod lane splitter on my best day, but it took a long time to get out of town.  I looked down at the trip meter when traffic finally broke. I had split lanes for 50 miles and taken 2 hours.  The sun was now way behind me as I dropped into the Santa Catalina Valley to ride past Palm Springs and Indio.  I stopped for gas.  The desert was getting cold.  I added layers, thinking about maybe getting some Coconut Cream pie at Chiriaco Summit with a hot cup of coffee, another 50 miles up the road, at the highest point on the trip.

On the climb up to Chiriaco Summit, you actually start in Indio,  which is just below Sea Level.  You then climb 4500-plus feet in less than 25 miles.  The climb is so steep there are warning signs to turn off your A/C in the summer, and six or seven water stops so you can quench an overheating car.  No worries about overheating today, and the just-under-900cc engine of the Triumph T-100 just made the hill into something as flat as Nebraska.  Tons of torque and mid-range, I slalomed through the slower traffic like a Jack Russell Terrier through an obstacle course.  Fun stuff, even in the rapidly declining temps.

I arrived at Chiraco Summit just as the sun dipped behind the Santa Catalina Mountains.  I realised that I had 230 miles to go, all in the darkness, and I knew that the Arizona desert punished people with sever temperature declines after 10pm.  No pie today.  I topped off and knew that I could make Quartzite before seeing the low fuel light again.  Time to drop the hammer and see how these lights work.

A nice set of tail lights provide visibility for the cagers. Love the seat logo!

Plenty of light.  The Low Beams light the road in front of you with a very predictable beam, and the high-beams give you the light you need to really drop the hammer and cruise 80mph, as long as it is on an Interstate and a road that you know.  I know this road, having run it easily 200 times.  I arrived at the Love’s truck stop in Quartzite shivering cold.  I couldn’t get warm, was coughing and DEFINITELY not happy about it.  Still the T-100 Bonneville was such an easy bike to ride, I might have been in an old Pontiac Station Wagon had it not been cold.  It didn’t occur to me at the time, but after 4 hours of seat time and two hours left, my butt wasn’t screaming like it might have been on a lesser bike.  comfortable.  Hell, could this bike be a sleeper on long trips?  I’m not tired, not sore, and definitely not feeling well, yet this bike, sitting underneath me at 75-80mph, is hardly noticeable.  Between the weather and my cold, I have problems, yet this bike not only isn’t one of them, it feels wonderful beneath me.

Headlight throws out plenty of light for safe night riding, even on the super slabs.

I just wished that it would shed a little more heat off the engine.  Not really much of a nit to pick?

I finally hit the outskirts of Phoenix about 9ish, filled up and noted that it was cold enough indeed.  I knew that I wasn’t going to die of hypothermia at this point, but Scottsdale is on the other side of Phoenix, and Phoenix is One Big Damned City when you take land area in Consideration.  Somehow I felt better, knowing that this bike was just a wonderful long distance bike — something that I hadn’t expected — and now with the short distances, I gathered the strength to ride through a few nice freeway transition ramps presented to me and arrived into the welcoming arms of my wife and wonderful daughter.  Two days after Christmas, and a warm family and fun bike to ride for a week.  Santa not only hung out late on Christmas, he stayed and brought dessert.

I actually received a reply:

My name is M***** C****** and I currently work in the online ordering department. I was wondering if you could tell me exactly what happened so that I can better assist you with this problem.

So naturally I replied back:

I could not get to an order button. Kept having to go to main screen, then identify state, city, etc. Please put a zip code finder on the home page, then an order now button on the landing page. The landing page I found myself on had PDF downloads of the menu and coupons, but I couldn’t find an order button

And today I finally got another reply after about a week:

I have complied a step by step instruction guide to order online. I sincerely hope this helps! We at J****’s Pizza® want you to be just as excited as we are for online ordering.

If you have any questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me.

The instructions follow:

1. Click “Find Store”
2. Input your zip code and click “Search”
3. Click “Online Ordering Available” under your desired store (If this link does not appear under your desired store this store does not currently offer online ordering)
4. You may view the menus and specials from here
5. If you are a new user to online ordering click “Register as a New User” located on the right hand side of the page
6. Input all information and click submit
7. Click “Add New Delivery Address”, input your information, and click “Add Address”
8. Click the bubble next to your address and select “Order Now” next to your store
9. Select “To-Go” or “Catering”
10. Select “Pick-up” or “Delivery”
11. Select your expected time (“ASAP” or select a specific date/time)
12. Choose your items. Use the left hand navigation bar to help you find your favorite products.
13. When your order is complete: To finalize an order you must click the yellow “Edit/Complete Order” button, and review your order to ensure it is correct.
14. Then on the next page click the yellow “Proceed to Checkout” button.
15. Then on the next page complete your payment information and click the yellow “Submit Order” button.
16. The final page will confirm your order has been submitted and have details of your order including restaurant, order type, and expected time/date.

There is also a helpful guide at the top of the page listing steps 1, 2, 3.

When you order has been submitted you will also receive an email with the subject “Online Order” proceeded by the location you have ordered from. The email will resemble a receipt detailing the store and order information.

So, being hungry for dinner, I thought I’d go through the steps and count the clicks for the fastest possible order…

My notes:

1. Click “Find Store” — FOUND AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE IN THE FOOTER MENU
2. Input your zip code and click “Search” — takes you to a google maps embed with a bunch of stores, and your approximate location as a tiny map pin. The store I want is highlighted. Why don’t they just take me to the order page and highlight the name of the store somewhere in there? Put the food in front of me for God’s sake!
3. Click “Online Ordering Available” under your desired store (If this link does not appear under your desired store this store does not currently offer online ordering) — did it
4. You may view the menus and specials from here
5. If you are a new user to online ordering click “Register as a New User” located on the right hand side of the page — I pre-registered to make this short(6 clicks at the end of this step)
6. Input all information and click submit — skipped – I clicked order now
7. Click “Add New Delivery Address”, input your information, and click “Add Address”–even if you click “returning user”, you still have to confirm the address or enter a new one. Another page, another click.
8. Click the bubble next to your address and select “Order Now” next to your store –Did this (7 clicks now)
9. Select “To-Go” or “Catering” — what she doesn’t mention is the landing page has all of the pizza stores that are close to you. Didn’t I already pick a place? Why am I confused again? Which store? Why does this page exist? Couldn’t the “bubble” in the other page have been a “To Go”, “Pick up” or “Delivery” choice box at that point, skipping this and the next step entirely? Wait a minute! I click “catering menu”, and get one item for delivery, but.. No way to even order it. Where the hell am I? I’m hitting the back button…(10 clicks)
10. Select “Pick-up” or “Delivery” — arrrggghhhhh… I hit the “ORDER NOW” button…. THERE is the “To Go/Catering” and “Pickup/Delivery” radio button groups. and then I am prompted to CONFIRM THE DELIVERY ADDRESS ONE MORE TIME… I click on the ASAP button. Three clicks on this page…
11. Select your expected time (“ASAP” or select a specific date/time) see above — I can finally see food to order.
12. Choose your items. Use the left hand navigation bar to help you find your favorite products.–the “aspx” extension on the page was a dead giveaway. OF COURSE the screen doesn’t render in Firefox well (see attached screen shot). I’ll see if I can get through this… (we’re at, I don’t know 15 clicks? more? Lost count…)
13. When your order is complete: To finalize an order you must click the yellow “Edit/Complete Order” button, and review your order to ensure it is correct.
14. Then on the next page click the yellow “Proceed to Checkout” button.
15. The final page will confirm your order has been submitted and have details of your order including restaurant, order type, and expected time/date. — I get to confirm my address one more time!  They want to make damned sure that I’m getting my pizza!

And the number of clicks is:

More than 30.

Below find the menu screenshot:

Another MS developer forgets to test cross-browser functionaliity....

If you’re going to have on-line ordering, knock off the number of screens, knock off the number of clicks Small operations often make usability mistakes, often because they have “weekend” developers, or worse, the management has someone that “has some Internet experience” build the pages or implement some pre-built store. I can’t tell what happened here. It’s just a train wreck.

My suggestion to help would be:

• Plaster Order now everywhere, with a zip code entry in the “portlet”.
• At that point you should know where it’s going. The landing page should have the name of the restaurant plus a possible alternate. It should also have one set of radios for catering, etc. GO TO THE FOOD NOW.
• Choose the food
• Confirm the order, and have a returning user login or address form with an optional sign up on one page.
• You now have the order and the address. One page to collect the money with the order posted and back button to get to the order and edit it if need be
• Enter credit card information and confirm the order. Send the email

Done. Steps eliminated. Here’s a thought. Go through the Amazon order process, new customer , existing customer, etc. They’ve spent millions upon millions of dollars streamlining that process. Just dupe it. You’ll be 90% of the way there. At this point, you’re about 10% of the way there.

Hmmm. There’s a Chinese restaurant across the street…